Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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