Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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