i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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