I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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