I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
