nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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