I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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