I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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