She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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