oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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