my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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