Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
