Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
