Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
