I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
