Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
