apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My dick has a subreddit
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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