what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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