i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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