you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
