Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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