my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
