My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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