I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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