every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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