so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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