Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
