Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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