How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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