you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
