I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
