o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
