so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
