Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
