It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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