i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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