I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
