I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
