We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
