No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
