He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
