fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
