You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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