i dont even know how to be here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
