i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
