Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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