So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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