She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
