We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
