Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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