We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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