She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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