Where are you?
In a non slutty way
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
