I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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