So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
