it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
