What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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