I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
