People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
