You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
