my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
