DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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