Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
