i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
