The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
