so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
