Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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