I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
