I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ttyl tear gas
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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