when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You have to summon your inner elephant
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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