He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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