Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
