Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
