I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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