This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
