just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My penis needs a shock collar
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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