i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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