since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
